Monday, September 8, 2008

Tangentiality of Lfie!

Being right doesn't necessarily mean being happy!

I've always thought this one applies in love affairs but the truth is, you can observed it anywhere in life.

Recently I had a verbal argument with my oldest brother the last time he went here. You see he's just married for a couple of months and is living a couple of blocks away from our home. The marriage wasn't exactly the plan at first upon learning his girlfriend was pregnant but due to insistent demand by the other side he gave in to their request and we, the groom's family had no choice but to just support him. So there the marriage was consummated and we all adjusted to it.

However there was still a glitch in the relationship we have as brothers or rather as family for I never got pass the feeling that he left us when we really thought he was the only one who could help us. Still, with this feeling inside I still decided to go with the flow and be civil to him and to his wife. I simply accepted the fact that he would never again really be there at all times for our sake but just in emergencies.

So months passed and we were dealing with our own lives. i was busy for the board exam and my the rest of the family had their lives to deal with but we still live together except for him. He would visit from time to time but I simply notice that at most times he visited he would ask for something from us. My parents at first were obliging thinking that newly weds really need help and my older brother was still their son. However, it seems as thought it has been happening frequently than usual and my parents were already saying their dislike of the situation but only with us and not with him.

Problem was staying quiet wasn't really my strong trait so when I see or feel something was wrong I do ways to let the person know. Sometimes even direct but tactful and matter-of-fact.

So the last time he visited my mother was telling him how she feels about the way he comes home and asks for favor. The matter with my mom is that however she feels bad about what's happening she just couldn't tell my brother straight in the face for she doesn't want him getting hurt or anything like that.

That was where I came in their conversation and simply blurted out the real message my mom was saying in the right intensity as it should be. You see i was in the kitchen that time and couldn't help but hear his lame excuses again as to why he's so inadequate with treating my parents.

So what happened was the expected, he jolted out of the house telling me how petty I was and how I shouldn't be interfering with things like those. i mean, what am i supposed to do? just sit down and listen to their conversation that doesn't really lead to nowhere but him getting out again with his lame and pathetic excuses?

i simply he wish he could be truthful to us the least. We are, in fact, still his family and who better to accept him with his inadequacies but us? But no, he would still insist in pursuing the "macho" and "I'm so independent image" that he would just make up stupid excuses thinking that no one will dare defy him.

The truth is, i felt bad with what happened but couldn't contain my emotions and I feel that what should be done should be done. He needs a reality check and no one is going to slap him in the face with it but me.

I miss my brother then. I don't know who he is now. He just shows up every now and then and talks to us superficially. He doesn't dare tell me anything for he doesn't trust me and thinks I'm just going to say something bad about him but when things like this happen he expects us to understand him as always.

I've always thought sometime somehow he would be bumped in the head and realize that what we're asking from him is not just money or privileges and the sort but just to be an older brother again. One we can talk to without no pretentions. One we can feel secured that somehow someway we could rely onto. I thought that epiphany would happen when he got to college. Then I thought it would be when he work. Then again when he got married and almost had a baby. But now, I simply thought we lost him. just like that, A person you had most of your life is there but not actually there.

So you see, I don't really think I'm always right nor am I ideal. I had my share of mishaps too and mistakes but I turn them honestly to my family. I don't feel good at all with being right most of the time but I feel i just wanted what's proper and should be for my parents and my siblings. i wish someone would see the difference in that. I wish my brother could see that.

Well, maybe that's just life. I can't think of anything to say to properly address what I really feel inside but I hope these words might transcend them to those who can understand.

No comments: